Struggles

I have a confession to make....I keep waiting to find the "right" post to really get my new blog started. I keep telling myself that once I get that perfect "jump start" post I'll be off to writing regularly. Well, I can't come up with that post. I wanted it to be catchy, unique, creative. But what's stirring on my heart is none of those.

I keep thinking about struggles. The things that each of us face each day. Sometimes they are obvious to the world, others of our struggles are private and no one notices the fight we put into them each day, but we all have them. Struggles are hard, they are trying, but lately I've been coming to a new level of appreciation for my struggles...they drive me closer in my relationship with Jesus. They remind me I am utterly desperate for Him to give me the strength to fight through them each day.

If you've read my old blog in the past, you'll know I have struggled/still struggle with an eating disorder. It has been 15 years that I have fought anorexia and bulimia. I've had victorious seasons and I've had awful and dark seasons where there was no victory in sight. I still fight it. HARD. Every day. Every thought. Every bite. BUT, in my struggle I have learned to lean into Jesus. To beg for His strength to carry me through each minute, each bite. I desperately want to be completely victorious over this one day. I want to look back and see God's hand and His plan in all of it. I want to NOT be struggling with this in my 30's (I turned 29 in December.)  I want to set a good example for my precious girls who I know watch my every move. I'm looking for victory. Trying to figure out how to fight this battle, again.

So, here is my opening post. I'm Jackie. I'm flawed. I have real struggles. BUT..I have a real Jesus, bigger than me, bigger than my struggles. He provides me the strength, He beckons me to His side. He carries me.

Not sure where the next post will go, but I got this one out there....surely the next one will be easier :)

-Jackie