Change is in the air...



me and my sweet Sara last summer

Sara last December-snow day



There is change on its way, I feel it moving in my soul, stirring, calling me into it.

I watch the weather, it's 74 degrees today, predicted to be in the 30's tomorrow-change. I see my sweet one year old, Kate, learning all sorts of new behaviors each day-change. I see my five year old growing into a young lady, not the baby I still see when I look in her eyes-change. I feel my heart being pulled in by my God, beckoning on a new journey with Him, calling me unto Himself-change.

I used to think change was hard, and it is, it can be. I used to think I was so against change-just leave life the same and I'll be able to make it without problem. Neither is that true, or reality. Change is inevitable, even when you try to keep things the same-they change. People change, hearts change, lives change. We have to learn to adjust, be flexible, see God's orchestrating hand in it all-guiding, wooing, calling us to new levels of relationship.

My heart is full of the hope of change right now. Of trusting. Of relying. Of letting go..and giving the wheel back to God, where it belongs. I don't know where He's leading me. But HE is leading- it is most definitely for my best. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me.

meet Sara

Sara is my sweetheart of a 5 year old (do NOT call her 6, she will inform you of how many days/months till that happens.) She is such an awesome little girl, not just saying that cause I'm her momma, but she is just the sweetest, funniest, kind hearted little thing. I love to watch her when she doesn't know I'm looking. She is shy alot of times, quiet, behind the scenes, unassuming. She doesn't like to be put on the spot, never "performs" when you ask her to, and has quite an opinion that she'll offer even when you don't want it.

Sara loves to sing, dance, and draw. She has just learned how to read this year and is highly impressed with herself when she can pick up a book and read the words. She loves to draw me pictures and write me sweet little notes, which I adore. I have a whole box full of my letters and drawings that she gives to me. She loves to bless other people with notes too. I'm always being asked to put them in an envelope and mail them off to family and friends.
Sara has such a heart for Jesus. She loves Him and loves to tell other about Him. She has no shame in sharing the gospel, doesn't think twice about it. Always asking people, "do you love Jesus?" She loves worship music and blesses me always with singing worship songs and telling Bible stories to Kate.
Sara loves Kate. Loves to play with her, tease her, dress her up, and always wants to drag her around the house.

I love my girls, they are unending joy to me. There the biggest blast of my life. It's amazing how two little people can change everything. 

Feeding the ducks

Today was beautiful weather. 70's, slight wind, wonderful amount of sunlight- a nice change to the dark, damp, cold days we've had lately. I love the sun. The feel of the warmth on my skin, the smell of being outside---it's why I adore Spring. It's my favorite season to savor.
Since it was so nice out, I told the girls I'd take them to feed the duck once we ran a few errands.
We had a great time, saved Kate numerous times from trying to dive face first in the water to grab the bread back to eat, and laughed a ton together.
There weren't many ducks- mainly REALLY aggressive geese and a bunch of birds- but we had a blast feeding anything that would take our bread. What a wonderful day- I needed that Lord- you knew it. Thank you!

my sweet girls

Sara feeding the turtles and birds

Kate would have loved to tackle this duck

A beautiful windmill by the lake

our bread-stealing birds-they were fun though

Chair Makeover

before

Isn't it amazing how much a chair can look different just by changing the fabric. I had these chairs re-done by Mandie at Altar'd Furniture a while back. I had found the red fabric and thought I wanted to try to bring red into my kitchen, but I never really loved the pattern. I'd been looking for awhile and ran across some awesome Amy Butler fabric and new I had to re-do these chairs.

So at nap time today I grabbed a screw driver, pliers, staple gun, scissors, and off I went recovering.

I just *love* the finished product. So cute- so me. Happy chairs :)



re-covering seat



after

Fave Crock pot recipe-Salsa Chicken

I have a one year old who is EXTREMELY demanding of my attention. As in, doesn't let me move 2 steps away from her without screaming and attempting to climb my legs. So I have discovered that getting meals into the crock pot at her nap time (or before she wakes up) makes our evenings run much smoother. Usually all I have to do is throw together a side or a vegetable and we're ready to eat. Saves my life and my sanity.

My favorite recipe is the easiest and yummiest in the book.
-Grab a bag of frozen chicken (or use chicken breast)
-Dump in crock pot
-Cover with salsa (I buy mine from a local Mexican restaurant, but store bought works too)
-add optional ingredients (I love to throw mushrooms in mine and sometimes pearl onions)
-Cook on low for 6 hrs (if frozen) or 4 hrs (if thawed)
That's it. So easy. The aroma is delicious. I make some rice with it or sometimes throw the chicken over a salad. This reheats really well too!

Through my Daughter's Eyes

Sara is my precious 5 year old. She is in Kindergarten this year. I learn so much from this sweet girl. Life filtered through the eyes of an innocent child is a beautiful thing.

Last week Sara had a dentist appointment. Let me give you a little background first, she has had a GREAT fear of the dentist for quite some time. So much so that we've never been able to get her into the office, much less the dentist chair. It's been over a year since we've tried so I went ahead and made an appointment hoping that time and maturity would be on my side and that FINALLY we'd get this girls teeth checked and cleaned.

I'd been talking to her about the upcoming appointment for weeks. Reminding her it was coming, preparing her for what will happen and how it won't be scary. Each time we'd talk about it I'd ask her "how are you feeling about it now?" Each answer was, "still pretty scared."

So the day of the appointment arrives. She's being brave....gets in the car. Stares out the window asking every few minutes as we pass buildings, "is this my dentist office?" Finally we get there. Park. and I turn around in the car. I ask her "are you still scared, baby?" She said, "yes mommy, my stomach is hurting and I'm a little scared." So I ask her what I can do to help her not be scared, what does she need me to do? And then she unbuckles her seatbelt, crawls into the front seat of the car with me and says, "mommy, will you just pray with me. I know Jesus can make me feel better and that He'll be in there with me when I'm scared. Can you just pray now that He takes this funny feeling out of my tummy and helps my feet walk into the dentist's door."

Of course I prayed with her, but I was just stunned. My five year old knows where to turn in her fear. The One who holds her fears...the One who can calm them in a single breath. That's something that took me YEARS to learn...oh how I wished I'd known there was a Father that loved me and would be with me in the scary moments, when I was a kid. Her perspective on things is beautiful. I love living life with her and watching her come to know and love Jesus more and more. What a gift as a parent to watch.

Struggles

I have a confession to make....I keep waiting to find the "right" post to really get my new blog started. I keep telling myself that once I get that perfect "jump start" post I'll be off to writing regularly. Well, I can't come up with that post. I wanted it to be catchy, unique, creative. But what's stirring on my heart is none of those.

I keep thinking about struggles. The things that each of us face each day. Sometimes they are obvious to the world, others of our struggles are private and no one notices the fight we put into them each day, but we all have them. Struggles are hard, they are trying, but lately I've been coming to a new level of appreciation for my struggles...they drive me closer in my relationship with Jesus. They remind me I am utterly desperate for Him to give me the strength to fight through them each day.

If you've read my old blog in the past, you'll know I have struggled/still struggle with an eating disorder. It has been 15 years that I have fought anorexia and bulimia. I've had victorious seasons and I've had awful and dark seasons where there was no victory in sight. I still fight it. HARD. Every day. Every thought. Every bite. BUT, in my struggle I have learned to lean into Jesus. To beg for His strength to carry me through each minute, each bite. I desperately want to be completely victorious over this one day. I want to look back and see God's hand and His plan in all of it. I want to NOT be struggling with this in my 30's (I turned 29 in December.)  I want to set a good example for my precious girls who I know watch my every move. I'm looking for victory. Trying to figure out how to fight this battle, again.

So, here is my opening post. I'm Jackie. I'm flawed. I have real struggles. BUT..I have a real Jesus, bigger than me, bigger than my struggles. He provides me the strength, He beckons me to His side. He carries me.

Not sure where the next post will go, but I got this one out there....surely the next one will be easier :)

-Jackie

Finding "me"

Have you ever felt like you are just wondering along, day after day, trying to find your way?

My life has changed so much in the past few years, not bad things, just changes and I feel like I'm always in the process of becoming "me." How am I? What does that even mean. Lately I'm thinking, becoming me may be a paradox in my mind. If at some point I don't just accept "me" as I am, where I am...I may be searching forever. I know who I am in Christ- I know the truths of who He says I am. I know it in my head, I'm trying to feel it in my heart and to my bones.

I start a new semester of Bible study tomorrow, I think I'm going in with a new mindset- a new perspective. I am me, I'm Jackie...flawed, confused, but me. I'm not going to fake it anymore. My pastor said on Sunday that he hates fake people and it really hit me. I'm not fake, but I certainly put on the "I'm fine" face and go forward. So my new challenge to myself is to be real, at whatever cost, be real and allow people into my heart and into my challenges with me. What's the worst that could happen...they ignore me? No loss there. I need community (that's a post for another day) I need accountability and I need to be real. So...tomorrow is a new day, new Bible study and a new challenge to myself.

this is me...

Hi, my name is Jackie...I am a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend. I'm me-that's a loaded statement.

I have two beautiful little girls...Sara is five and started Kindergarten this year and Kate turned one in November. They are my joy. I love them dearly and love watching them grow into their personalities that are so vibrant and so unique from one another.

I love God with all my heart. He is my heart. My life. My breath.

I was a special education teacher for 5 years and am now staying home to raise my two girls.

I love to decorate, shop antique stores and thrift stores for fun things to re-create. I adore the color blue, strong coffee (well ANY coffee) and a good book while cuddled under my blanket that my best-friend made me for my birthday.

I used to blog regularly. I stopped. For almost 3 years. Not sure exactly why, but I've had the desire in my heart for awhile to start another. We'll see how it goes. So, here's me and here's my thoughts on life, God, motherhood and the in-betweens.